Saturday, March 16, 2013

Wewriwa 03/17/2013

Welcome to my weekly snippet of Eternity's Price. Today's snippet is the next night after last week's. Eli arrives home from a council meeting that ran shorter than expected and plans on simply enjoying a rare evening free by sitting and watching the news. Unfortunately, the top story of the evening is pretty much directed at him. This week's 8 sentences are his reaction  to it.


His hand clenched around the wineglass, shattering it. As the blood ran down his arm, he didn't know how much was his drink, and how much was his own - nor did he care. He just sat there staring at the screen, trying to process. Esther... dead? There had to be some mistake; there had to be... His phone rang, making him jump. He started shaking as he looked at the number. There could be only one reason that Jane would be calling him. 

I hope you'll forgive my creative punctuation. There really wasn't a good stopping point in there, anywhere. Poor Eli. He's going to be one very messed up vampire for a while. I hope you enjoyed my little snippet, and don't forget to check out all the other great writers over at www.wewriwa.com

Come back Monday for Positive Thinking Monday

21 comments:

  1. Poor Esther and poor Eli. You showed his reaction well.

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    1. Thanks. Yeah, I feel so bad for him, but it was necessary for the rest of the plot.

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  2. I didn't even notice the creative punctuation. I think you snippet is very fluid.

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    1. Thank you. I don't usually do semicolons, and that hyphen wasn't in the original. In my actual ms this was 10 sentences... But, I'm glad that you think it flows well the way it is.

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  3. I thought the excerpt read very well, I was so caught up in the moment and his distress (and the broken glass)! Excellent snippet!

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    1. Thank you. Hehehe I kind of liked the broken glass, myself. It seemed a fitting way to show his reaction - after all, if anyone could shatter a glass by squeezing it, it would be Eli. Glad you liked it.

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  4. Great snippet. Very visceral. Can't help but wonder what Jane's reason for calling him would be.

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    1. You'll get to actually meet Jane next week, I think. (If I can get that scene written this week...)

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  5. Wonder what Jane wants :-(. Emotion definitely shows in this, nicely done tension. [Susan Stuckey - http://susan-stuckey.storytellersinn.com/ for my 8Sentence]

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    1. You'll get to meet Jane next week, I think. Should answer that question, then.

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  6. It must take a great deal of anguish (and strength) to be able to break a glass like that.

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    1. Oh yeah... he's got both anguish and strength in spades. Not sure how much I can show of his reasons in 8 sentences at a time, but over the next couple weeks we may see some of it, at least.

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  7. Oh, that's a great setup for what's to come. Nicely done, Jenny. :)

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  8. The poor guy!! Great job of showing his emotion. Enjoyed your snippet! :)

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    1. Yeah. I feel so bad for the guy. But we writers have to do what we have to do for the sake of our plots.

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  9. Hope the one reason Jane would be calling isn't the confirmation of his fear. And blood in the wineglass...I guess this means he prefers reds, huh? ;)

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  10. Come back next week to see what Jane wanted. LOL I DID say he's going to be one messed up VAMPIRE. :P

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  11. Punctuation wouldn't have mattered in that snippet because my eyes flew over it to find out what was happening. Pulled me right in and didn't let go!

    ~Joyce Scarbrough

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    1. Thank you for that. Glad you liked it.

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  12. Wow! This sucked me in and left me hanging. Fabulous job!

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