Sunday, June 23, 2013

Wewriwa 06-23-2013 - Not mine, anymore

Welcome back everyone. Been sick this week, so didn't even try to get back on schedule. But, it's Sunday again, and that means time for another snippet from Eternity's Price, my paranormal romance in progress.

Last week, we saw Eli walk into a concert memorial looking nothing like his usual self - and blocking Catie from sensing his emotions. Shortly after that, he walks out, and Catie of course follows him. A bit of background to make this snippet make sense: After the night they started dating, he started calling her Mia. It's short for her middle name of Amelia, but it also means "mine" in Italian - Catie's native language. This snippet is from right after something Eli said, that including him calling her Catie again. We're still in Catie's POV.

She wanted to tell him that she didn't want to be alone, that even though she knew that it would only hurt more later, she didn't want to be alone now. So much she wanted to say; and all of it would only hurt him more. So she instead focused on the thing that had hurt her. "You're calling me Catie, again, as if this past week never happened..."


"Yes, I'm calling you Catie again. I don't have a right to call you anything else. I don't have a right to call you mine. Not when I know that you deserve so much better"


And it goes from bad to worse. Did he just break up with her? Come back next week to find out. And in the meantime don't forget to check out all the other great writers over at www.wewriwa.com And finally today, the song I was listening to while writing this scene. Fair warning, it's in Italian - but it seemed fitting for Catie under the circumstances.


P.S. Forgive me if my punctuation is a mess. I admit that the first sentence may be a run-on, but I'm not sure how to fix it, right now. And I just noticed the issue.

Edit: My computer and Blogspot were not playing nice together last night. Edited to fix all the extra blank lines.

14 comments:

  1. Eli has some issues to deal with before being suitable for a girlfriend. Poor Catie though that's a hard blow.

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    1. Yeah, I don't think he was really ready for this. I feel bad for both of them, though - he hates knowing that he's hurting her.

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  2. I'm wondering why the change, what's happened for him, but I feel for her. Excellent emotion in this! PS: I hate blogger sometimes. Those extra lines are annoying, aren't they? lol

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    1. They were at a concert memorial - something one of Eli's friends put together to honour the resent dead of the city - with a special tribute to the most recent of them... Esther. I think Eli is actually feeling guilty.

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  3. Wow, emotional to the nth degree. I feel sorry for both of them - excellent excerpt!

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    1. Yeah, they're both a bit of a mess, right now. Thank you.

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  4. Very emotional. A love a tortured hero and Eli must be one. As far as your first sentence goes, I would put a period where you have the comma, after later. That next sentence holds more of a punch if it stands alone.

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    1. Oh yes, even more tortured than this is showing. Next week will be him reacting to all of this - it's not pretty.

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  5. Don't you hate it when people decide they know what's best for you? Great snippet!

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    1. LOL Yeah, if she wasn't so worried about him, she'd probably try to strangle him for that bit.

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  6. That's a really lovely snippet. The voice is poetic with a wonderful rhythm. I love the repetition of not wanting to be alone.

    Your snippet works great as a standalone, but I'm a newbie on wewriwa, so I was worried when I read your intro paragraph. I haven't read all of the story before and I don't know anything about the characters, but it seemed to assume I would know how he is blocking her from sensing his emotions. She can sense emotions?

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    1. Thank you, glad you liked it.

      Hmm... Actually, I think that last week may have been the first time one of the snippets made any mention to her being an empath. But actually, exactly how and why he can block her has not really been addressed yet. The conversation when she finally asks him about that is going to be quite interesting.

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  7. You've captured a great deal of intensity in this short scene. Plenty to develop from here:)

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    1. Thank you. Yeah, it was a pretty intense scene, glad that came through properly.

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